Young Woman · 25 September 2007, 15:58
I was recently visiting my dear mother, and the topic of names came up. You see, a family friend is having a baby very soon, and they refuse to divulge the name they have chosen for the baby—ostensibly to avoid having someone say something to ruin that name for them. Someone in the group started listing off names as we cherry-picked the better (or perhaps more likely) ones. My sister then suggested including “church names”... you know, the typical Utahn choices from the Bible, Book of Mormon, General Authorities and, sadly enough, church manuals (I’ve heard of someone naming their son Quorum). I guess I should be glad people haven’t graduated to using the Pearl of Great Price for names. I can’t imagine the pain that Kae-e-vanrash Smith or Ha-ko-kau-beam Christensen will go through, not just in life, but when they realise their names are nothing more than gibberish. But I digress.
“Book of Mormon”-sourced names were being offered up, and inevitably Alma was mentioned.
“Yeesh, I hope not,” I offered. Now, we’d had a family friend during my youth that was named Alma, and he was a nice fellow. However, I think my mother assumed I was referring to him.
“Why not?” she asked. I suddenly realised I’d placed myself in a predicament: interjecting something that makes mormonism look foolish without drawing attention to my so-called “church inactivity.” I tread lightly.
“Well, did you know Alma means ‘little girl’ or something like that?” I offered. “I’m not sure in what language,”—it’s Hebrew, almah, and it’s actually young woman—“but someone told me that on my mission. Apparently it’s a fairly common name for girls in France.” By feigning the “oh someone told me this” ignorance I’d managed to deflect suspicious looks and keep things open. I can’t tell you how many times TBM family members have effectively stopped listening to me when I state something—anything—definitively.
“Really?” my sister questioned, face squished in confusion.
“Yeah… in fact, there were quite a lot of streets named ‘Alma’ on my mission. It confused me… I mean there aren’t exactly a lot of members in [the place I served]. At least it confused me ‘til someone set me straight.”
And the brilliant, TBM retort to this new information? “Huh… interesting.” I wanted to yell out “Oh yeah! And the Book of Abraham, you know they found that like 40 years ago, and it’s been translated by Egyptologists, and they say it’s an egyptian funerary text, and it post-dates Abraham by 2000 years!” But I had the common sense to quit while I was ahead. After all, I’d received a few strange looks earlier when I’d offered far more information about the new missionary policy of living with members1 (more on that later) than a completely “inactive member” would be likely to have.
I can only hope someone there at least stored away this new information instead of forgetting it the instant after I said it.
1 I was shocked at how confused and distrusting my family looked in regard to the news of missionaries living with members. They couldn’t seem to grasp any reason why that would be a good idea (they had plenty of reasons why it would be an awful idea). My interjection that it was a money-saving maneuver (“Have to pay for that mall somehow!”) was perhaps my most blatant post-mormon ribbing to date. I’m just glad no one called me on it.
So funny, yet so true — being sure about something can close people off when they’re suspicious of your sources. Saying “I head this, but you decide,” is a good system because it opens them up to presenting their case and analyzing yours.
— C. L. Hanson · 286 days ago · #